What would Miss Manners say?

Computer Life column for 10/11/97 by
Richard Gordon

When I logged in last Saturday night, I found a lot of Email in response to my column about organizations cracking down on private spamming, the over-forwarding of witticisms and "buy-candy-from-my-kid" Email at work.

One musician was amused that he recognized a joke he'd sent me, and promised not to send me any more-at work. One of my soccer kid's parents sent me an idea for a future column, and teased me about "cluttering your inbox with useless mail."

That's about what I expected.

What I didn't expect was angry Email from two close friends because I referred to an exchange of Email I'd had with one of them. They both felt that exchange should not have been mentioned in my column, even though I kept the details vague to protect my correspondent's identity and even though the Email was an example of normal "new to the Internet" behavior.

So, let's say this right away: I apologize if anything I write in these columns hurts anyone's feelings. That is never my intent.

Not that I want everyone to agree with everything I write. Personally, I dislike receiving chain letters and frivolous personal spams at work. You may disagree, but given the amount of Email I receive at the office, I can't imagine wanting more Email during the work day.

The fervor of my friends' annoyance caused me to search to see if I'd breached any Internet etiquette (Netiquette) guidelines. On the contrary, I found caution after caution about the other side of the equation: You cannot control what your recipients do with the Email you send them. For example, c|net lists six Netiquette points (zeppo.cnet.com/Content/Features/Dlife/Email/etiquette.html), two of which are germane to this discussion:

"Ask yourself, '[W]ould I want a jury to read this Email?'"

"Don't write anything you wouldn't want repeated. Email can be forwarded to hundreds of people, in and out of a company."

Other Netiquette sites caution about your Email ending up on your boss's desk, in the evening news, or on the front page of a daily paper. And all of the Netiquette sites remind us that Email is not private.

I wish I'd managed to make my point last week without hurting my friends' feelings. I hope that they, and other readers, continue to write me-not at my work address, but at the "personal" address listed below.

For more information

We can all learn from this situation: I've been reminded to be more sensitive to my friends' feelings; my friends' annoyance should help us all remember that our trail of electrons is a lot more permanent than we think.

A lot of the Netiquette sites I visited still have an "anti-direct-marketing" innocence left over from the Internet of the 80's and early 90's. But they're still very useful. Here are some of my favorites:

• Gene Wicker's Netiquette guide (www.iwillfollow.com/~gwicker/email.htm) includes a discussion of the "Blessing and Curse" of Email and reminds us that there are no Pulitzer Prizes for Email. So, be terse.

• Fred Pearce's Business Netiquette International document (www.wp.com/fredfish/Netiq.html) differentiates between personal and business Email style and reminds us that Email we send from work is always linked to our employer.

• Kaitlin Duck Sherwood's A Beginner's Guide to Effective Email (www.webfoot.com/advice/email.top.html) includes sections on why Email is different from other media, making your Email more readable, and the perils of attaching files.

• Brad Templeton's Dear Emily Postnews (www.clari.net/brad/emily.html) tells how to annoy people on Usenet, the Internet bulletin board system.

• Official documents about Internet standards and protocols are usually published as "Requests for Comments." If you want the semi-authoritative Netiquette document, go to RFC 1855 (www.cis.ohio-state.edu/htbin/rfc/rfc1855.html).

Copyright © 1997, The News Journal Company

Computer Life Index