Have you heard the one about.....?

Computer Life column for 10/4/97 by
Richard Gordon

I'm thrilled at how much e-mail readers have been sending me.

As a matter of fact, I received a fascinating response to last week's column: A gentleman whose hobbies include ox-droving and ox-breeding was disappointed that my column veered away from my son's choice between virtual oxen, horses, and mules for his virtual trip on the Oregon Trail to a discussion of automobile web sites.

But there is e-mail I'm not so happy to receive. Bulk e-mail (SPAM), is a major headache for most e-mail users.

There's another form of annoying e-mail that one reader asked me to mention:

"What about 'private spam' from loquacious friends? I'm talking about the newly on-line who every day and sometimes twice or thrice send you canned pep talks, jokes, celebrity gossip, every latest scare on viruses that cause your water heater to explode. . . .

"At the top, you see an immense list of your fellow victims, at least one of whom, ignorant of the enormous consequences, replies to the perpetrator, so that every victim gets the spam in triple portions. I'm sure these people believe they are brightening your day, but they are really wasting your time and storage space. It's enough to make me wish their bosses would catch them goofing off."

I have a couple of friends who send me one joke every two weeks or so. I can deal with that, particularly since both of these friends seem to send me funny notes about interests we share: computer support and music. And there are days when the odd joke can brighten your day.

However, another friend insisted on sharing every joke she had ever heard with everyone she knew on the Net during the first couple of weeks she discovered she could send e-mail outside of her place of employment.

After receiving my 13th message from her one morning, I wrote her and begged that she not send me any more.

All these electronic chain-joke-letters make me wonder if e-mail has replaced the water cooler as a workplace gathering spot. Then your co-workers share their humor with my co-workers, turning my computer into a portal on a global water cooler conversation.

Instead of steadily degrading photocopies of "A Round Tuit" showing up on the mailroom bulletin board, old jokes now propagate via e-mail. And instead of the image becoming grainier with each new copy, the list of addresses headers just grows to be 4-5 screens long.

I don't want to hear the one about the retiring mailman's last romp; mouse balls; administratum; the priest, engineer, and economist in a lifeboat again. And as accurate as they may be, I don't need another copy of the canonical list of "How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?" jokes.

Another kind of private spam annoys me even more: E-mail from parents addressed to all their co-workers announcing that the sign-up sheet for pizza kits, wrapping paper, candy bars, or whatever their child is selling "is in my office. Please stop by."

I understand parental concern about sending little Julie out on the streets, but part of the exercise is supposed to be the child's experience. So I buy my Girl Scout cookies from the Scout herself. Fine with me if she has a parent with her as she makes the rounds of the neighborhood.

Seriously

Are you doing this from work? Does your boss know? Sending it to me at work? Think my boss approves? In most workplaces, private spams are usually against company policy.

A student recently told me that someone at her place of employment received an off-color joke in e-mail. The joke began to make the electronic rounds-until one funny guy decided to print it.

But someone else got to the printer first, found the joke and was offended. According to the student, "The matter was turned over to Human Resources, and 16 people were fired and escorted from the building."

Even if it's not 100% accurate, this story gives you pause, doesn't it?

Copyright © 1997, The News Journal Company

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